When I was in the 4th grade, I looked down my teacher’s shirt. Luckily, she didn’t notice and we avoided a potentially awkward talk after class. I’m using this story as a distinction – a wedge if you will – between a confession and a regret. I confess this story to my readers but I definitely don’t regret it. At that age, I was confused and curious about the opposite sex, so it was only natural for me to etc, etc.
My point? By diminishing or eliminating your sense of regret, the more fearless you are with what you desire to be open about.
“Teardrop on the fire of a confession, fearless on my breath.” – Elizabeth Fraser
So, what regrets do you reflect upon in the aftermath of a relationship? That sarcastic remark you made when they were in a somber mood? Maybe the time you lacked the courage to swallow your pride and do the right thing? What regrets do you think your ex reflects back on? (If they ever think of you that is.) I ponder this most often when I ruminate about past relationships. Hell, I even inquire if I really need to know. The answers never cease to amaze me.
One of my ex’s said she didn’t regret cheating on me with her best friend’s brother despite the fact that it led to our demise. Fun fact, she broke up with me, dated someone else two weeks later and called me on the phone every week to let me know how much she missed me. You must admire her candor.
After a brief altercation with a different ex, my girlfriend at the time grabbed a steak knife from my kitchen and held it to my neck to make a point. Fun fact, she picked this fight with me because she overcooked some bacon and exclaimed, “You know I can’t cook bacon!” Well folks, point taken – this girl just can’t do it.
The trouble is when you have the same regrets over and over again. Take it from me, when you get involved with depressives under boisterous pretenses, you have the time of your life but the drawbacks are bountiful and often insuperable. I’ve unintentionally, and unknowingly, developed a schema in regards to the types of women I date. My innocuously reticent disposition tends to attract lively, yet capricious, characters. People like this are well known for their pathos, and we all know the attraction of a damsel in distress (“sign here to accept excess baggage”). Pass me a few lascivious smiles and I’m yours. The caveats are obvious (practically boasted) but I don’t mind – this one will be different.
Many of you know what I’m talking about. Substance abusers, for example, have a knack for convivial personalities. And who doesn’t want to fit in with the life of the party? The hard part is breaking this relationship schema. After all, there’s a reason why it exists and it’s most likely because of one of the most famous clichés of all time; opposites attract.
Here’s my call to action: I urge you to face the pain of your regrets, discover the patterns that are undoubtedly there, and I double dog dare you to change for the better – “fearless on your breath.”
-Single Guy in NYC