Dating Websites (Part 2) (Girl Fail #9)

In 1979, the trial for a convicted rapist and murderer by the name of Ted Bundy began. Despite the fact that all of his victims were women (some say as many as 100 victims), he received hundreds of love letters from deranged female “fans.” Fan mail included nude pictures and even marriage proposals. In fact, dozens of his female “fans” attended the trials and made an effort to resemble those he had murdered. During this time, I bet every single guy in America shared the same sentiment as Bill Hicks:

Bundy_Hick

Why am I telling you this? Well, it’s complicated. I’d suggest starting from the beginning, which is actually my previous post (click here). Carrying on…

Believing it to be a massive cop-out, I swallowed my pride and, reluctantly, joined OkCupid six months ago out of sheer desperation to cast a wider net and to increase my visibility (at least, electronically). My naivety regarding dating sites encouraged me to rely on the rumors and stereotypical experiences of others. I thought, with all the schmucks out there (with their pompous bios, their idiotic poses with tigers, their belligerently perverted openers, and their superfluous dick pics), at least one date would spawn from this online platform. This had to auger well.

450 messages later, nothing. Not one date. Not one friend. Nothing.

Compounded frustrations + a dark sense of humor = laughing in self-reproach at the photo above. It honestly did leave me wondering if those that I contacted went on a date with a misogynistic womanizer and/or jerkoff instead. Although difficult to say, think of all the dating blogs out there, most of which are maintained by women. Of those, many are reflections on terrible OkCupid or Tinder dates.

But fear not because this wasn’t all in vain. I created a fake female profile to compare and contrast my experiences between both sexes.

The Profiles

ugly-womanPictures:  To make the experiment fair, both profiles had to be appealing on all fronts. Thus, I wasn’t going to pick a photo like this one for my fake account.

I’m a physically fit guy with a six pack, toned body, relatively white teeth, average height, skinny, decent but not perfect complexion, a few gray hairs and a bald spot. With this, I consider myself to be in the “average looks” category – nothing that will get the attention of the nearest Abercrombie & Fitch store but satisfactory to those I’ve been with. Appropriately, I used photos of a girl my age in the equivalent “average looks” category for the fake profile.

Profile Content: Maintaining the fairness of this ploy, the text of her profile had to be equally engaging. A joke for a joke, the same type of vague self-summary spiel, and no interests that could be deemed superficial. Any text that had the potential of being perceived as a flirtatious invitation were edited out of the fake profile. Just so you know, I didn’t list myself as someone looking for casual sex or anything like that either.

Questions: Much of the questions were answered the same way, which renders similar “personality” stats.

As a final test, my friends (both male and female) reviewed each profile and gave their reputable stamp of approval.

Results

Jewish women don't masturbate on OkCupid

Jewish women don’t masturbate on OkCupid

Real Profile: I visited over 600 profiles and sent about 450 messages over the course of six months. Out of those 450 messages, I only received 5 replies. I’ll  reiterate that in case you’re reading too fast. That is 5 out of 450. That equates to about a 1.1% success rate, where success SOLELY means getting a reply. I only received 1 unprompted message but she didn’t seem mentally stable. No one that I visited ever messaged me. No one that visited me ever messaged me unless I messaged them first. I only had 10 quickmatches and, oddly enough, half were overweight bisexual black women (maybe that’s my market?). I averaged about 70 visitors per week for the first month but this number slowly declined. Now I average about 8 visitors per week.

Fake Profile: I visited less than 100 profiles and sent 0 messages. This had absolutely no impact on my ability to get visitors or messages. In fact, before I had ANY content in my profile (only had a couple of pictures), I received 5 messages in an hour! I had equaled the number of replies that took me six months and 450 messages from my real profile in just one hour of creating my fake one. In total, I received 323 messages over the course of six months – all of which were unprompted. 1/10 of the men I visited sent me something. Compared to my 10 quickmatches from my real profile, I had a whopping 1,183 quickmatches in my fake one. It was effortless to maintain about 120 visitors per week for the first three months or so. This number has since decreased to around 50 per week, most likely due to my inactivity.

Discussion

Did the extent of this rough data despond you as much as it did me? Probably not. Most people already know that if the object of the game is to get messages, males must be more exigent with their profiles and more charitable with reaching out to others. These are the unfortunate circumstances – I would argue – that arise from social norms, which cyberspace, as we just witnessed, isn’t immune to.

How about the quality of these messages? I’ll confess that I made the mistake of sending the stereotypical “Hey, how are you?” openers a few times but I quickly made a habit of reading a women’s profile in its entirety and conceiving a unique, dare I say charming, message. This approach, deemed the most chivalrous, takes about 15 to 25 minutes depending on the profile. I did this about 300 times before I lost all hope. I’ve heard the opposite sex say that “no response is a response.” If this is true, I wonder if I was being treated with derision. My last 150 or so messages derived from whatever short, witty thoughts or questions I had after a 5 minute browse of their profile and pictures. Since almost all of my approaches were ignored, I’m counting this as Girl Fail #9.

Twilight-PickUp-Lines-14The most ironic aspect of this experiment was the messages my fake account received. Although, I got the gamut of openers, from magnanimous compliments to sleazy invitations, the vast majority of them were perfectly fine and often times funny. No one tried to romance me with “I want to fuck you in my station wagon” but I did get “…so for me intention wise….Honestly….nothing too serious….a fun friend really. With benefits situation is what I’m open to at the moment. Not looking for anything serious at the moment, but having it with someone fun, easy going, funny, witty, smart….sexy goes without saying. What about yourself?” Maybe I was lucky but I didn’t get any vulgar messages nor dick pic offerings. The flood of compliments I received actually boosted my confidence until I reminded myself that I was acting under a pretense.

My personal favorites:

  • I’m just going to completely cut the b.s because you’re the cutest girl I’ve seen here. Let’s get coffee, possibly share orgasms, then get another coffee. So much energy
  • I’ve never met (or read to profile of) anyone with favorite movies including ####, #### and the goddamn Blues Brothers. I normally wouldn’t put so much stock in this sort of thing, but, wow, we should meet. Plus, I’m a huge fan of too many books to list.
  • Hello I’m #### glad to meet you! I read your profile and think you are really great person and I hope we can talk and get to know each other better. I am attending graduate school to obtain my Masters in Forensic Science. I hope you message me back because you seem like an amazing girl with great qualities, and I would like to get to know you if you so choose to get to know me and you are really cute
  • OHHH MY GAAARDS!!!!!!
  • Random personality question – how do you feel about PDA? Write back.
  • Soo..um this is like ridiculously random and may come off as strange butt,hello there gorgeous lady! 🙂 I have the urge to get on my knees and kiss your feet. haha is this a bad thing?
  • You seem like a cool girl, but there is only one way for me to tell… and that is if you take this little quiz of mine.  (provided a 10 question quiz)
  • After wading my way through a river of 18 year old college students you seem like an actual person with their shit together. What’s up?
  • let’s be a power couple

Did you expect these types of results? What OkCupid stories do you have?

Guys, if you can’t resist sending pictures of your junk, at least do it the right way. Click here to learn more.  :p

-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC

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16 thoughts on “Dating Websites (Part 2) (Girl Fail #9)

      • There’s nothing wrong with being single just like there’s nothing wrong with being lonely. However, when you’re consistently making an effort to remove yourself from that predicament only to be greeted with one fail after the next ad nauseam, it sucks. Especially when it hasn’t possible for me to enjoy the single life by meeting strangers and hooking up with fun people in my search for a good partner. Eh, I digress hahah

      • Awe, I failed all though high school and finally in my sophomore year of college did I win, only to fail. But I guess that’s life. Stop searching!! Just have fun. & I don’t mean hooking up with girls!! Unless you just want to haha that’s not my style.

  1. At least , this experiment made you write this great blog post, so thanks for that!
    I think the worst with this type of sites and apps, etc, is that there are just too many options; people also have this whole thing planned on their heads and whenever you get a random or simplistic message , this is my first automatic instinct about the guy: This guy hadn’t even put effort whatsoever. To sum it up, it makes you feel as if you ‘are not special’, as if people are just looking for someone ‘just anyone’. And it could be you or just anyone else.
    I have also noticed how these dating websites have this huge list of options about what you want in a guy or a girl, personality wise, job wise or whatever… It is as if you are crafting the ‘perfect’ girlfriend or boyfriend. What is so good about being perfect anyway, right? It’s the romantic cliche of meeting in a coffee shop’s queue or in the middle of the street that makes every little girl’s romantic dream. Spontaneity! That’s what we are missing in modern dating world.

    • Completely agree. It creates an environment for frivolous expectations and/or unreasonable standards. However, I do feel as though women have a much easier time at least giving these standards a shot (i.e. getting a date).

      Spontaneity is diminishing. Meeting people in person is on the decline to the point where if I approach someone at a bar, I never know if they have two Tinder dates lined up for next week, so why let me bother them? Then again, who wouldn’t prefer an enamoring romance story of how a couple met over “I swiped right and we took it from there”?

  2. I wrote a paper similar to this topic about the texting/phone call dilemma. (You know, how everyone texts nowadays rather than making a phone call in terms of a romantic relationship standpoint.) This is a great experiment though!

    I also couldn’t agree more with Yessica and yourself. Our generation seems to have forgotten (or maybe never took the time to notice) how dating actually should work. Finding the “perfect” person doesn’t happen. You have to find someone who’s quirks and faults are enough to compliment or minimize your own so that you both become stronger people, and thus a stronger couple. It amazes me how many times I hear my single friends comment on the horrors of their dating lives for the simple reason of the other person having one imperfection. You have to give a person more than just one date to find out if you like them or not. Sometimes it feels our world is too instantaneous for considering this though.

    Great post!

  3. This was an interesting experiment. Are you still in OKcupid now? I guess a lot of the time women leave it to the men to contact them but I will often message dudes. Thats a shame you don’t even get a quick reply after puutting in effort with your messages rather than something generic. I wonder what makes for a successful dude profile then?

    • Good question. When I first joined, I actually had my friend, who’s a woman, help write my profile and give her stamp of approval. Either way, it’s sort of a shallow environment. Face to face interaction is better anyway!

  4. Hello there,

    That was a great analysis. Well yes, girls do get responses way more easily than guys, but there are also racial stereotypes (“here I go again”). If you are a Caucasian, you are likely to have a 99% person more chance than if you were someone with a brown skin.

    But you are right, fake profiles, cheesy requests, sickening responses all these are a norm for online dating. But the best part is, the scum of the “men”kind still manage to pick up some wonderful, absolutely great girls from these sites and screw them, messing it up for the rest of the guys.

    Seriously, criminals are way more sophisticated than anybody else man. Hats off to them.

    Regards
    BP

  5. Pingback: The Single Life Manifesto | Single Guy in NYC

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