Hickeys and Roaches

After a brief glance at my neck, my roommate exclaimed, “Hey, looks like you got yourself a hickey! I knew you’d eventually get on board. Who’s the lucky girl?” hick

“Oh, that?” I replied aridly. “That is not a hickey. I wanted to talk to you about this. In fact, I have a few of those and after doing some research, I realized that they’re actually bites.”

The exhorted expression on his face dwindled. My unfortunate vicissitudes have a way of straining my conversations, so I finished my thought.

“Don’t worry, we don’t have bedbugs. They’re actually cockroach bites. Since they can’t always find food in the kitchen, I guess they crawl on me in my sleep looking for something to eat and when I move, they bite me out of fear and draw blood.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” Pausing for a moment, I thought to elevate our spirits. “But hey, that doesn’t mean I can’t find someone and get a real hickey, right?”

Wishful thinking? Maybe.

New York City, you strike again at the single man. Why must you be so caustically callous?

-Single Guy in NYC


14 thoughts on “Hickeys and Roaches

  1. I did NOT know that roaches bite people!! That makes them even more disgusting than I ever thought before! Hope you find a girl… who doesn’t give you hickeys…at least not publicly visible ones…

  2. Yikes! I have lived in houses infested with cockroaches thanks to grotty house-mates that don’t clean up in the kitchen, but I don’t think I have ever been bitten by one!

      • I grew up in Sydney. No matter how clean you keep your house on the East Coast of Australia, those bastards are still there. I have lived in a few share -houses that were cockroack paradises which made things even worse.

  3. Cockroaches bite?! I’ve never heard of that. I hope you’re okay.

    I am also not a fan of hickeys. So this whole post is ew!

    Damn neighbors.

  4. I’m really shocked. I, even, never thought that this type of insect are so dangerous. After this post I go to the my kitchen and began to look into all corners/ And I was “killed” – the R.I.P. COCKROACH under the stove. I google this question and now I’m specialist)). Many advices were crazy and awful. The most helpful and fully post is here http://stoppestinfo.com/60-how-dangerous-are-the-cockroach-bites.html . I hope it’s help somebody, or even save somebody life.

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