I’m an idiot but let me explain…

Fool“It’s better to be silent and a fool than to open your mouth and to prove it.”  Hopefully this isn’t your point of view because I’d like to know who the fools are, just as long as there’s an equally vocal retort and opposition to unethical or unreasonable conceptions. Considering the human condition, we are all subject to reproach in our normal discourse. Here are a few facts about myself that seem nonsensical.

  1. I have trouble going outside. This isn’t to say I struggle with agoraphobia but it’s a combination between nerves, my lack of spontaneity, and desire for organized plans. There are times where I plan out an entire day of errands but when the day comes, I can’t bring myself to leave my apartment. Irrational thoughts flood my mind. I didn’t leave the apartment early enough and everyone will know how lazy I am. Why do I even have to do this today? The weather’s not great and I’ll feel under-dressed. What if I get to the store and they don’t have anything that I need? What if I make a fool out of myself when I’m out? How will I forgive myself if I do or say something stupid to stranger?  If my roommate says he’s going out to dinner in 5 minutes and asks me to join him, I’ll always hesitate, even if I have absolutely nothing to do. Dinner? I didn’t plan this! What if something happens when I’m away? The majority of the time, I’ll reject these spontaneous offers. However, I do my best to challenge and repudiate each and every one of my anxious thoughts. I overcome them most of the time but I’d rather not deal with it.
  2. CreeperI constantly make unnecessary accommodations in order to avoid looking like a creeper. A caustically humorous acquaintance once told me, “As a single guy, you know what you do when you feel as though you just can’t creep anymore? You creep harder.” Although this cracks me up, I could never follow this exaggerated, borderline sarcastic, advice. In reality, he’s really  implying is that it pays to be insolent, albeit not always. I’m arrested by anxious thoughts because I don’t want to be misunderstood. Here’s a couple examples: I do most of my reading on the subway and as every New Yorker knows, one is not always blessed with a seat. As I stand in the aisle, I’ll hold my book by my stomach and look down to read. However, if there’s a woman sitting down in front of me, in my line of vision (underneath my book) wearing a low cut skirt or a revealing top, I’ll raise my book to eye level so it doesn’t appear as though I’m looking at her. In all honesty, I’ll sneak a peak but 99% of my attention is on my book. Second example – yoga class. Having no knowledge about yoga, you can imagine how lost I was at times when I started attending a few  classes. Ignorant to the vernacular, my poses were an embarrassment and I had to rely on others in order to correct my stances. Yet, I felt like a jerk for looking at someone up and down for a second to assess what I was doing wrong. True, in most circumstances, I’d be smitten by a room full of gorgeous women – okay, I was a little overwhelmed – but in this case, I wanted to learn and my methodological glances felt abasing. So, I memorize everything I screw up on and research outside of class. Well, that is if I can remember.
  3. I’ve asked “Can you keep a secret?” Lying is probably not below those that can’t keep a secret, so it makes absolutely no sense to propose this question. The same goes for when someone asks you a question, and your first response after a moment of hesitation is, “Truth?” No, they want your fatuous lies. That’s why they asked you a question; in order to never hear an answer. This is just plain dumb.
  4. I procrastinate. Edward Young said it best, “Procrastination is the thief of time;Year after year it steals, till all are fled, And to the mercies of a moment leaves, The vast concerns of an eternal scene…At thirty, man suspects himself a fool;  Knows it at forty, and reforms his plan; At fifty, chides his infamous delay,  Pushes his prudent purpose to resolve;  In all the magnanimity of thought resolves; and re-resolves; then dies the same.  And why? Because he thinks himself immortal.  All men think all men mortal, but themselves.”   This should be a prescient warning so that one does not end up losing more than one can bear. Yet, I keep delaying and procrastinating. Such a funny thing.

What senseless habits or thoughts do you have?

-Single Guy in NYC

7 thoughts on “I’m an idiot but let me explain…

  1. Well my dear, there is a simple explanation to all the points/behaviors you describe above. Please, sit down, since I am about to rock your world!! 😉


    You. Overthink. Things.

    I’m positive you never heard that one before, right? 😀

    I know I know, it is trivial.
    We all procrastinate and if you aks me, procrastination is only an indicator for stuff we dislike. So maybe we should get rid of it to beginn with?
    We all ask “can you keep a secret”, although in most cases we already know the answer. It’s just a very good way to sound interesting…and the orther person feels flattered for like a second, since you choose to tell them that extremely secret secret 😉
    For heaven’s sake, why don’t you look at boobs/legs/ass/whatevs? God gave us eyes for something, right?
    Do whatever makes you feel good (as long as you’re harming nobody, of course)! Most people are so occupied with themselves, they won’t notice those things you describe about yourself….

    • You mean to say that an over-thinker has never over-thought how much of an over-thinker they are? :p

      “Do whatever makes you feel good (as long as you’re harming nobody, of course)” #Epicureanism

      I suppose it’s good to have a blog that I can regurgitate my thoughts on to…

  2. Were all idiots, in our own way! And im sure if someone doesnt think theyre an idiot there will be a line of other people thinking it for him/her 😉
    Im an over thinker, i over think about over thinking! I know i do it but it doesnt stop me even though i know its stupid of me!
    I procrastinate too – its not because i hate doing anything in particular because i procrastinate in life fullstop – ill lay in bed thinking about the stuff i should be doing and before i know it its 4pm and i havent even eaten let alone gotten out of bed!
    These are the things that makes us unique, im happy the way i am…..even if i am an idiot too

  3. I.love.your.blog.

    On that note, I’d like to say we share many things in common. I feel to say it’s “overthinking” is flippant. I am dealing with many similar issues that all relate back to social anxiety, which is a very real thing. I’m not sure if you have any physical manifestations, but anything from an impromptu dinner invitation to having to operate a washing machine I’ve never used can give me severe stomach cramping. I can’t do new things with people watching, I can rarely act spontaneously, I can’t eat around others who are not eating, I need to be near a door when in a crowded room. I have a whole list of things that activate my social anxieties and am learning to deal with them slowly now that I’ve been able to give them a name.

    Again, I really enjoy your writing. Not to capitalize on your misery, but I always turn to your blog when I’m having a rough day. Very intelligent, humorous, and insightful. Thanks for sharing.

    • Thanks for the comment, you made my day.

      You’re right in identifying some issues as social anxieties. I definitely have a few that I try to keep at bay. I’m sure you’d agree that writing about it helps. Hope you’re not having a rough day today 🙂

      • The first time I read your reply, I was having a good day. In a slump again, which is why I’m revisiting your blog. I think your writing reminds me that there still exist thoughtful and sensitive men in the world. Thanks for sharing !

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