The Woman Who Stabbed Me Got Married Last Month

It’s been a few years since I’ve contributed to this blog, so I should clarify that despite my absence, I’ve remained single, just low on the hustle. What brought me back is a little piece of information: my ex got married last month. She, along with my many rejections, was my muse that inspired this blog; that and strong bouts of depression, anxiety and insufferable lonliness. You know, the usual suspects.  🙂

I loved that woman. She’s the only person I’ve ever been with who had opened new doors of experience for me – expanding my bounds, and solidifing my love of the outdoors. There were growing pains that made both of us irritable at times and only if I had known what she was going through, maybe our relationship wouldn’t have ended the way it did. Shoving love at a problem doesn’t make it go away.

Her mental disturbances, especially the mood swings, lacked any predictable design. Regardless, I wouldn’t believe it and always thought there was something I could do to fix things. After all, when she was up, we would both relish in the euphoria. So, likewise, when she was down, we would both perish in the abyss. Things came to an ugly end when she took a steak knife to my throat on my 23rd birthday. The reason? She had burned a few slices of bacon. At least, that was the trigger – not very hard to find one when your headspace is a latent minefield. If you’re curious, I wrote about her in Girl Fail #21 (Part 1 and Part 2).

And so, we split up and I remained attached, kind of. She consumed my thoughts. Sure, I was heartbroken but never like this. My future had been altered by unseen hands and even though I wanted to move on and find someone else, I couldn’t. New York City is like that sometimes. It didn’t matter how many new faces I met, the ROI was zero. Over time, I realized that she never loved me; instead, needed someone like me in her life at the time. I fulfilled a need. That’s it. Period. It’s good to feel useful, don’t it?

Feeling lonely is a nightmareShe found another man a few weeks after we ended things. I was alone. Following that guy, she quickly found someone else. They started dating, he moved in, and last month, they got married. (It sounds like I kept tabs on her but I swear I did not – just providing a quick summary.)

It’s not the marriage per se that bugs me. It’s how easy everything was for her. To move on; find another job; another apartment; another man; another love. She had all these choices, and through no particular effort of her own. Begrudgingly, I witnessed this and heard about it. It’s clear that the purpose I served was temporary and small, and so, I, too, felt small.

This is a familiar cycle. I no longer remember what it feels like to hold someone’s hand, or to carress a lover’s back, or to run my fingers through their hair. Show me another blogger that knows this despair and laughs when friends bring up their 6-month dry spell – they are my equal. The gap between my ex and I is unbound. Similarly, so is the one between me and serial daters (the most common type of blogs about the single life).

But dear reader, this changes. Like all things in life, this too will come to pass. We must wait. Wait until we find a crooked neighbor to love with our crooked heart, reap the time, and dispel the morning sun and invtie the rain when it’s all done. Only to begin again. We must wait.

-Single Guy in NYC

6 thoughts on “The Woman Who Stabbed Me Got Married Last Month

  1. It’s difficult for you because you really care about that relationship. Have your time to dwell on it but learn that one of the things that matter the most in life are the lessons that it teaches us and how we decide to respond.

  2. I’ve been following you for years now and I’m glad to see you back writing. I’m still single too while my ex who is in New Jersey got married, and the worst part was when I found out he had a baby with her. I’m not jealous nor do I envy her because I don’t think much of him as a human being. Just how I found out about his child is the funniest story you will ever hear though. But. It did piss me off that “he is in a relationship and I’m not” for a while and wondered why and how… Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I started following your blog before I met him… is this blog 10 years old? Anyway, I totally get what you’re feeling.

    • Thanks for the kind words. This blog is probably about 5 yrs old now, though it feels like a lot longer to me lol

      How did find out about the child? How were you able to overcome your anger?

      • Damn, it feels that blog is way older than that.
        It wasn’t so much about anger. It was more like: why him and not me kind of state of mind.
        We met online, and then travelled to the USA to be with him. Anyway, we still play video games on the xbox. One day, he says in a party chat that he won’t be on during the weekend because he is busy. Bear in mind this is the guy who was my best friend, we dated for over two years and remained friends and talked on an almost daily basis via xbox, Skype, WhatsApp, etc. He told me about his new girlfriends and *EVERYTHING* about them. The following week I see a picture shared by his auntie of him dressed in a suit: the weekend he was away from xbox was because he was busy getting married. When I confronted him with it, he said it was a last minute thing… I saw the pics: it was no last-minute wedding. Anyway, a year later, it was just him and me in a party chat. Every two minutes he said he had to go, pee, phone call… I heard the baby cry… went onto FB, and here it was. The day he was at the doctor apparently… he was in fact picking up his newborn (the guy who swore he would never have more children and would get the snip snip because he didn’t trust her…). I didn’t say a word about it for the two hours we played and til this day he hasn’t mentioned the baby. It would have been so much easier to tell me.
        I know I’m better off without him. Our relationship was not healthy. Love makes you blind until you finally wake up, and I honestly don’t envy her. Still, why him and not me? You can’t help but to compare yourself with an ex, especially if the relationship meant a lot to you. One day we will have our own happy ending.

      • Wow. This seems like quite the ordeal. It’s always heartbreaking when someone you think you’re close to hides monumental milestones of their life from you. Good on you for recognizing the red flags

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