New Years Eve

Ah, we meet again but this time I have come shamelessly prepared. For this day is oddly identified as an omen for the coming year and greedily poses the challenge of “have a good time.” To that, I  release my arms akimbo and exclaim with a nod:

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After a tumultuous past year filled with casuistry, depression, loneliness and poor harmony, it’s time to torch this place and bolster that threadbare soul within me. I’m firing off a missive. It’s time to GET STRANGE dammit.

And I know just the party to attend.

Let’s rock and roll people.

Oh, and Happy New Year!

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-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC

12 Days Of New York Christmas: Dating Edition

On the 1st day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: AN UNFORGETTABLE GIRL FAIL

On the 2nd day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me:  TWO WOMEN WITH TAYLOR SWIFT LYRIC TATTOOS

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On the 3rd day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: THREE NIGHTS CAMPING WITH MY EX

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On the 4th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: FOUR OVERZEALOUS DRACONIAN FEMINISTS

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On the 5th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me:  FIVE SANCTIMONIOUS #BLESSED HASHTAGGERS

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On the 6th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: SIX WHORES IN THE DRAWERS

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On the 7th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me:  SEVEN WET BLANKETS WHO HAVE MET THEIR FRIEND THRESHOLD

On the 8th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me:  EIGHT ENTERTAINING IDENTITY CRISES

On the 9th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: NINE DUCK-FACE SELFIES

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On the 10th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: UPTALKING OR VOCAL FRYING DEBUTANTES

On the 11th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: ELEVEN BATHROOM MIRROR SELFIES  (I get it, you use the toilet, you’re potty trained and we’re all super duper proud of you but I don’t need photo evidence of this. Seriously.)

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On the 12th day of Christmas, New York dating gave to me: TWELVE REPLY-LESS MESSAGES

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This is in response to New York Cliche’s Christmas post. If you’re not familiar, check out her site and follow her on all the social media business. She’s cool, quirky, urban, and – wait for it, wait for it – cliche (ba dum tsh; facepalm). But in a good way.

Spread the love.

Happy Holidays/Christmas/Anti-Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah!

-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC

My Thanksgiving: as told by a Muppet

I don’t know about your family but mine is filled with Swedish Chefs terrorizing a kitchen for 4 hours straight. To illustrate, I present you with the following:

“Aunt Edna, could you pass the yams?”

Yuou gut it. Cumeeng reet urp!”

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“Hey! Did you mix that bowl yet?”

Off cuourse. Bork bork!”

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“Grandma, how are we doing with the turkey?!?”

It’s ibuout tu be-a stuoffed!”

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“Grandpa…WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A FLAME THROWER?!?!?

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Happy Thanksgiving all!

-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC

Halloween On The Scene

‘Tis that festive time of the year in America where everyone dresses up, feasts on cheap milk chocolate, downs several cocktails, stumbles back to their homes, empties out their cornucopias, followed by their stomachs. Just me? Well, I’m sure Merman didn’t make it to the bathroom in time too.

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For all you part-time office dwellers, today was the perfect opportunity to affront your smug boss by covering them with a thousand post-it notes. If you didn’t, it’s still Halloween week, you can still get away with it if done with enough conviction. Awkwardly get the closet key from Sharlene the hoarder, grab ten dozen packages of post-its, half the HR team, and ambush your boss in his/her corner office. Do it. Do it while you still can dammit! This week is about showing your true self.

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Several years ago, I went to a college Halloween party where an old acquaintance had the gall to dress up as a six-foot penis. He was the ex-boyfriend of a good friend and after a few drinks she vehemently vented to me about how he cheated and appeared emotionally devoid during most of their relationship. While consolation would have been appropriate, I took the more impertinent route. After returning my gaze back to her, my only response was, “Of course he did Vicky. He is literally a giant dick.” Buyer beware.

Happy Halloween all!

-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC

 

Christmas

Jesus supposedly turned white for your sins and Robin’s a schmuck at times…

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but I hope you get out the ugliest fucking sweater, top off your whiskey, and enjoy your day.

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Or, if you don’t celebrate, more power to you because you pretty much own whatever town you live in at this moment.  🙂

-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC