I would love to hear a woman’s perspective on an argument I’ve had with everyone I’ve slept with.
Like many people, I feel as though I’ve run the gamut of relationship fights (well, anything excluding children). In fact, some arguments are predictably banal, especially after your “honeymoon” phase – first 3 months of any relationship. However, I can’t seem to wrap my head around the following.
WHEN: Generally occurs right before sex or sometime during the deed
HOW: She stresses a point and it escalates from there
WHAT: With all my past girlfriends, there has been a time when they came off of birth control or they were never on it. Either it was messing with their hormones, it was too expensive, they were tired of taking it, etc. We still had sex during this time because I would simply use protection. For a reason I can’t comprehend, this has been an issue with every girl I’ve slept with.
During foreplay leading up to intercourse, we all know that awkward moment where the guy rummages around in the dark for a condom. Sexy, right? While conducting this blind search, my girlfriends have pulled me close and told me to forget the condom. “Nothing bad will happen,” or “I promise I won’t get pregnant when you cum inside me” or “You don’t need that baby,” they all say – quite seductively I might add. Doesn’t this go against every sex stereotype? Aren’t guys the ones that say “fuck it” and just pull out, all the while making their partners worried?
Get this: I dated a biologist that pulled me out while having sex, took the condom off my member, pulled me towards her so that I could enter her again and was visibly shocked when I refused. She went as far as to say that because of the day, in regards to her cycle, it was statistically impossible for her to become pregnant and that we’d be foolish not to take advantage of this opportunity. She was willing to blatantly lie about the discipline she loves and devotes her life to just so that she wouldn’t have to deal with latex. Not to mention, it’s men that feel more of a difference using a condom than women do.
What ensues is not a minor altercation. Instead, this leads to hours of thunderous verbal accusations and even threats that put a strain on the relationship. Common points are “You just refuse to have sex with me this way because you don’t think I’m pretty,” or “What do you think everyone else does?” or “You worry WAY too much” or “This is what I mean when I say you don’t trust me” or “I thought you loved me!”
Disclaimer: I’m not trying to imply that this is a normal fight and all women are crazy. However, like I said, I’ve had this heated discussion with every girl I’ve slept with. Can anyone make sense of their argument from a women’s perspective?
Thanks for your thoughts!
-Single Guy in NYC