I’m A Recovering Hopeless Romantic

Aren’t you tempted to go into a paroxysm of rage when you think of how much you’ve had to unlearn through the years? Think of how credulous you once were – maybe you still are, I don’t know. Parents, religious leaders, teachers, police, presidents, etc. are not inerrant and never will be. Yet, this is a slow realization and quite a contentiously sour topic for those whom want to hold on to such fallacious beliefs. The reason why is a mystery to me but I suspect it’s for comfort. Embracing the human condition and the imperative significance of reproach, I learned how foolish I was by remaining a hopeless romantic.

What do the following have in common?

• Paul Revere rode to Concord to warn that “The British are coming!”
• Einstein failed math in school
• Edison invented the light bulb
• Napoleon was short
• Vikings wore helmets
• We only use 10% of our brains
• Walt Disney was frozen after his death
• Cleopatra was Egyptian
• If it rhymes and sounds good, it must be true

They’re all absolutely false.

Here’s something else I’ve heard that requires rephrasing of some kind: “Every woman should be treated like a princess.” There are so many variations of quotes like these and they’re all generalized crap. To illustrate, let’s invert it: “Every man should be treated like a prince or king.” Can any adult actually believe this and not feel some sort of embarrassment? I mean, the royal life isn’t some Disney fairytale. Case in point, look up Tower Hill.

I’ve met plenty of men and women who are hopeless romantics and let me tell you, it doesn’t make any sense; all those grandiose gestures on Valentine’s Day, giving 10x more than receiving (when it comes to literally everything), making nonsensical sacrifices where any normal thinking being would realize that they’re being taken advantage of, knowing that they have found their soul-mate (again), etc. These people are just in love with the idea of love, and I used to be one of them.

I daydreamed of creative romantic gestures as though it were a performance piece eagerly waiting to be acted out. You name it. Whether it’s poignant poems, love letters, dedicating songs, hiding notes for them to find, doing chores they hate, celebrating every little anniversary, breakfast in bed, or spontaneous massages or gifts or getaways. Part of my mindset was that if I did all these things, I’d be a great boyfriend. However, most of the time, you’re just playing second fiddle.

This post isn’t supposed to denounce and undermine romance. My point is that people are not infallible, and some behaviors or habits don’t deserve to be inured. Don’t be a pushover, think for yourself, and challenge those around you. Are they worthy of your benevolent deeds? Will you be recognized for your sacrifices? Are you burying your regrets? Unrequited love gestures are insidious recipes for disaster.

“Beware the irrational, however seductive…Distrust compassion; prefer dignity for yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to be thought arrogant or selfish. Picture all experts as if they were mammals. Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses. Do not live for others any more than you would expect others to live for you.”  -Christopher Hitchens

Not everyone is the romantic type and just because they don’t openly display their love every waking hour, doesn’t mean they don’t care. Yet, in spite of the message here, love will make you do stupid things. And I’m guilty of that too.

-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC

Nice Guys vs Bad Guys (what’s really going on)

The question: Why is it that assholes seem to stumble across serendipitous circumstances but soldiers of morality are burdened by sharp vicissitudes of fortune? In other words, what’s with the jerks getting all the luck?

It’s simple; this popular question is one sided. What’s the other side? Attitude. Your run of the mill a-hole has no shame, thus, much less fear. To them, women at bars aren’t revered, beautiful potential love interests but – quite the contrary – drunk bitches who want some D. Hell, they need a man (preferably them) but just don’t know it yet. Now, who is more likely to talk to the cute blonde sipping on her martini when her friend goes to the bathroom? The conscientious guy or the imprudent guy? Whom is less likely to worry about sexual chemistry as they reach to hold the girl’s hand as they go in for a kiss (and not a peck either)?

Let me tell you a true story to illustrate my point that this has nothing to do with luck. My friend’s roommate, Joe, is known to all his buddies as a tall, slick, although sometimes aloof, character who is seldom comme il faut. He has a unique sense of fortitude when it comes to rejection and, most likely because of this, is respected most by his male friends. Although Joe is currently in an exclusive long term relationship, he ascertained that one woman just wasn’t enough and it was time to get back out on the scene. Without his girlfriend knowing, he signed up for every dating/hookup site in the city and was rewarded with date after date. Simplifying this in one paragraph makes his endeavor seem facile but I assure you his effort was double mine, and I’ve been dateless for close to a year now. This provides him with two advantages, which he is ultimately aware of:

1) Double dipping. Since he has more than one love interest, it doesn’t matter as much if his faithful girlfriend dumps his ungrateful ass.
2) Not only has he reinstated the skill of approaching others but he’s constantly refining it. Most men claim to “lose their touch” after being hastily flung into the single life again. Joe, the a-hole that he is, has circumvented this sentiment.

As I said before in my previous post, chivalry is dead and it deserved to die. To be clear, everyone is to blame; from the girl crying on her nice guy-friend’s shoulder about her jerk boyfriend saying, “I wish I could find someone like you” (but not you, of course) to the guy refusing to open a door for a lady because he hates feminism. What it comes down to is that no one wants somebody with the personality of an area rug nor somebody like Joe (if seeking an exclusive companion). Fear is a crippling hindrance and it seems like the best people I know embrace that oppression, including me. This is why I greatly admire Joe’s incorrigible fortitude. Fighting abjection in the trenches of the single life is not a joy to anyone when you exert so much effort to change your status. Yet, he rolls with the punches, smiles gleefully as he eats dirt then dusts himself off after he rises just to spin the wheel again and again.

All in all, my hat’s off to you Joe. And I hope your lady castrates you with a pair of blunt scissors when she finds out.

-Single Guy in NYC
@SingleGuyInNYC

 

Chivalry Is Dead (and it deserved to die)

Single Guy in NYC – Chivalry Is Dead

Please make sure to read the fine print on the above referenced photo. Thank you.

Chivalry (noun): the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.

Chivalry is dead and it deserved to die. Okay, it’s a bit of a yellow journalism title and common sense tells you that it’s also too much of a blanket statement to be valid, but it’s the sentiment that counts. Men and women are both to blame for what occasionally appears to be a misogynistic culmination, yet I still overhear the yearning for spurious Lifetime movie romances or the desire for old fashioned 1930s, one-lover-only, till death due us part relationships. Yes, because all marriages for women before the feminist movements in America were jubilant.

Two reasons why chivalry is dead:  1) It’s an outdated term in which people derive their own customized definition, and 2) the advancement of cultural and social values

What do I mean by reason #1? For starters, the origin of this word comes from the Medieval Latin word caballarius, meaning “horseman” or “knight.” I don’t have to remind you that knights don’t exist anymore, with the exception of random celebrities and political figures (e.g. Sir Bono, Sir Ronald Reagan, Sir Elton John, etc.). Also, “dexterity in arms”? I don’t own a sword, do you? This term has been revisited, updated, and categorized as a meaningful, realistic, not to mention expected, characteristic of “good” men. But what makes a “good” man? Doesn’t this question completely depend on whomever wishes to answer it? What makes a man beautiful? Just as one may say “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” one may claim the same concept applies to what makes a man good. Ah, but there are exemplary actions of a chivalrous man; opening a door, lending a jacket, paying for a meal, pulling out, etc. However, I highly doubt anyone would submit petty actions such as these, although meaningful in their own way, to be key criteria for moral behavior around women. Just because a man holds a door open for you does not mean he will treat you like a princess and never make you cry. 

I briefly mentioned reason #2 at the end of my third paragraph. During the course of the 20th century, women went from needing a reliable and lucrative breadwinner to voting, earning degrees, having successful careers, and living fulfilling lives before the grounded responsibilities that come from bearing children. With good reason, doors were being opened up for women everywhere with and without the help of chivalrous characters. The simple-minded, honest, hard-working breadwinner didn’t have the same ring to it anymore. What about vigor, image, and personality? These progressive attributes excite anyone looking for adventure and always will. There’s more and more single people in their 30s now and it’s not frowned upon as much as it used to be. Stir in online dating sites and all of a sudden women have more choices than ever when it comes to dating. The time for subtle first impressions from nice guys are over. Compatibility holds more weight than chivalry. Act accordingly. Hopeless romantics that shower you with letters and kisses, opens all the doors, gives you their jackets, and hands you their umbrella in the rain tend to be oversensitive pushovers with a target on their back. Understand that one must not be a hopeless anything or believe in anything unconditionally. Once you do, you relinquish your critical thinking faculties. Be a great person but know the boundaries and act reasonably.

The takeaway: Don’t hold petty chivalrous behavior on a pedestal. Get to know someone. Assess for yourself whether or not someone has a good heart. They don’t always have to go out of their way to do well but they should always mean you well. Benevolence keeps love alive. The new wave of chivalry should read as follows: Women are lovely and amazing, so don’t be a dick.

– Single Guy in NYC

@SingleGuyInNYC

Happy Valentine’s Day! (I know it’s not February)

Happy Valentine’s Day -Single Guy in NYC

Ah yes, Valentine’s Day – the benignly positive acronym for VD. The day where lovers rejoice, haters be hatin’, ignorant cynics proclaim Singles Awareness Day, and the realists carry on as usual. When you’re single, relationships appear ubiquitous; which makes me feel like a combination of all four types of people I just mentioned. Granted, I do take solace in not having to spend much money for this day and not having to worry whether or not I’ve pleased my girlfriend when I’m single. I know some guys that, at times, can relate to this card:

Though, I do not know how safe sex would be if this were ever true. Just another reason to wear a condom.

Next up, I’ll share a story about this past Valentine’s Day.

– Single Guy in NYC